Why Polyamory

What is Polyamory? 

Polyamory (or poly) is the opposite of monogamy.  It is being open to multiple romantic relationships at the same time.  When practiced ethically, all parties are aware of all the other partners.

Why would you choose this? Why would you allow your partner to date others?

Because it just makes sense! Why would I want to be the only person in my partner’s life? Why would I ask him to do everything with me? Why would I only want him to have sex with me ? Why would I want to restrict his other friendships/relationships in any way?

“Successful polyamory is built on honesty and trust.”

When I am secure in my relationship with my partner, I can be happy doing my own thing or spending time with my other partners while he is with his other friends/partners. Him having other partners in no way takes away from how much he loves me.
When you have more than one child, do you love the first one any less?

When I first ventured into polyamory, I vowed never to be solely responsible for any man’s sexual needs ever again. Personally, I felt pressure to perform – performance anxiety because I did not want to engage in sexual activity as often as my partner. The obvious solution is to allow him to have other sexual partners, but it is much more complicated than that… I needed to have the same freedom that I offered him.

What I learned is that I need more relationship – not more sex. One person is just not enough to meet all my emotional and intellectual needs.  We all have different needs and expecting just one person to meet all of them seems unreasonable.

Why not just have more friends? Well – my last monogamous partner told me quite clearly that I made him uncomfortable when I danced too closely or gave a male friend a full contact hug. I found myself only able to have friendships women or gay men. I find it much easier to engage in friendships with men than women.  I don’t like to put limits on my relationships.

If you and your partner decide that you can have friends of the opposite sex – where do you draw the line? What activities are acceptable, which are not? Cuddling? Hugging? Hand holding? Touching (in any manner)? Kissing?  My partner thought it was OK for me to do all these things with my female friends, but not my male friends.

Also – why is my partner judging my friendships anyway?? Insecurity.  For a monogamous male, it can feel quite intimidating to have another male hugging your woman. I don’t do well with rules imposed on me by a partner.

My only rules in my relationships are total transparency. Honesty. Communication. And safer sex practices. Actually, the last one is not a rule, but an expectation. If I choose not to use barriers with a partner, it is my responsibility to communicate that to my other partners so that they can make decisions about their own sexual health.